The oNHz Show

Patience!

2006-07-17T06:17:00.000-07:00

Today, we bring to you a clip from Wonder Showzen, not so live, to teach you about a thing called Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! ........

Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience! Patience

I'm Back!

2006-07-11T07:43:00.000-07:00

Yeah kinda obvious I haven't blogged in a while. That being an understatement with constant procrastination about doing up my blog design.

Well anyway tonight on the oNHz show, we are just about to show you this broadcast of the World's Greatest Cartoon ever.

Holy Crap! That Super Ninja is gonna get Chuck! But wait Chuck already has nerves of steel and strength to match! so who will win?
God, I don't know! Oh well we'll just have to watch for more to find out.

Horror Flicks

2006-04-29T03:56:00.000-07:00

Oh, hello friends!
Long time no see!

With Scary Movie coming out, I thought I'd blog about horror movies. For the normal person movies like the Exorcist or Scream would be scary. But I mean what the hell are you people talking about?

Come on! Don't you know a good comedy when you see one? I laughed along with the demon-possed girl in the Exorcist & I personally thought talking to a random stranger on the phone was rather funny in Scream. Heck I even laughed my ass off in Final Destination when those idiots go "I control my own destiny, you can't fuck me up with your death is gonna kill me crap. I plan to live to 548 and have AIDS, Herpes and other STDs cause i don't believe in death!" & then splat goes his head between the weights he lifted. I mean how screwed can someone be to not see it coming. "I'm the hero of this show! I can't die!" he says while sawing his own head off. Wow what a discovery.

In my opinion there was only one true horror flick ever made. No it's not all the zombie flicks made by George A. Romero or some other movies you people call scary like The Ring or The Grudge (Very good comedies by the way).

The only true horror movie ever made is.... wait for it.... still waiting.... OH COME ON!..... it is Ang Lee's BrokeBack Mountain. That was one scary hell of a movie. I mean come on would you be scared if you were assaulted in atent in the middle of no where by a member of the same sex with the intention of having homosexual intercourse!?! & wouldn't it be even scarier if you consented?!? I mean the stupidest line in the whole flick "I ain't queer!". Yes "I ain't queer!", especially saying it while he has his member shoved up some gays ass. I was trying to scream so bad through out the whole movie but nothing came out! I was fricking scared out of my wits with cold sweat & everything.
I mean is Ang Lee Satan or something. How could a guy have such a horrific idea or unholy inspiration to come up with a show like BrokeBack Mountain?!?!?!
More so it won so awards!??! Accpeted by the public?!?!
I think we all truly know the end of the World is here.

So for all of you out there who haven't seen this BrokeBack Mountain... DON'T. You WILL be traumatised. Be warned, it will suck the very essence out of you and forever make you fear its name or just the sound of it. Don't say I didn't warn you...

Disco Is Not Dead!

2006-04-08T06:51:00.000-07:00

Just making a point here... DISCO IS NOT DEAD!
I just can't wait for Disco to make its return.
For all of you saying it won't look at it like this: Many things from the past are making comebacks.
Like what, you ask.
Well let me tell you.
Madonna made a comeback, the Backstreet Boys made a gay comeback.
Micheal Jackson came (On children) back.
*cough*peidophile*cough*
Sorry! I have a bad cough!
Jesus is going to make a comenack...

Anyway, so as I predict, Disco will make a comeback like an middle-aged man with erectile disfunction who just found the wonders of Viagra.
& it will be as shocking as finding out your father is also your grandfather!

DISCO IS NOT DEAD!

Tonight, coming to you live...

2006-04-01T05:37:00.000-08:00

Howard:"Previously on the oNHz show, our host made a solem promise that he would interview Carl (his hand), talk about a phrase he got off the top of his mind & said he would be back soon.
Till now, he hasnt done anything to fulfill his promises."

*Points at Howard*
Hey! You shut your mouth! I run the show here!
Anyway, welcome back folks to the all new oNHz show! You probably know by now I'm some what of a procrastinator, so Howard, our friendly announcer on the show (*gives him a quick stare & then glaces back at the crowd), is probably right.

*Crowd Boos

Howard: "Told you i was right, come on Carl. Let's get out of here before they blow the place up!"

Carl (*mouths): "Right behind you!"

Hey get back here! Fine, I admit I have blogged awhile but I have perfectly good reasons.
1)I've been working on my appeal back to SAJC which was successful! (WHOO)
2)I was really buggered down by homework & stuff.
3)My computer was down for awhile.
4)I was in Australia visiting my friend.
5)I was watching all the rubbish DVDs I bought there.
So yeah. Everything justified!

Voices in my head: "EXCUSES AND LIES! EXCUSES AND LIES!"

FINE! I HAD time inbetween but was too lazy to blog. YOU HAPPY NOW?!?

Voices in my head: "Yes we are. & don't forget there's cake in the fridge.

Ooooooo! Cake!
*runs to fridge to get some cake...

*Audience boos again

Fine, fine. Here's a monkey pissing while you wait.

The oNHz Show is brought to you by The New Super Delta Justice Team!
& we are back from commercial!

Seriously now, JC life has been at both ends of the spectrum for me. On one hand, it's hell of a lot fun especailly with all the new people (girls especially) you meet. But it's also very taxing. Being the representative for my class & having to be the stage manager for the SYF play in the middle of the year really stresses a guy out. Added to the amount of homework & studying I must do, it's a wonder I don't go crazy... (Oh, yeah... I forgot... I already am!)

Well, over these past few days, I finally found something most other guys have found, unless their gay, in JC. I personnally haven't because I thought I was spoilt for choice. No it's not the prefect wet dream. It's that feeling that makes your palms sweaty, your heart race, your mind blank & forces those butterflies in your stomach. I'm not going to say any more for now in case nothing happens but all I can say now is that I hope it works out...

Alright thats all the time we have for now folks! Watch out for next week's episode of the oNHz Show!

Update on things.

2006-02-25T08:42:00.000-08:00

Well I haven't blogged in quite a while!
Maybe because I have been playing WORLD OF WARCRAFT!!!!!!
Yes I have been quite busy lately with all the playing for these past 2 weeks.

So reccently I got my blog linked from many of my friends blogs. (Sorry guys, haven't linked you all yet. Cause I'm 1 part lazy, 1 part always putting off things & 1 part too ignorant to find out how linking works here in Blogger. BUT I WILL... eventually.)
As i was saying, thanks to Yi Siongs "post" last time i blogged, a lot more people have been visiting my blog.
I should be thanking his literary skills & his overall laziness for not keeping his own blog.
THANKS YI SIONG!

Had been having a rough week this week.
Alot of shitty things happened to me that basically i don't want to talk about, but I'm here aren't I?
Much better, back in the flesh!
All part of being oNHz!!!

Posting results to JCs stressing me out...
Really unsure of where I will be going... But trust in the Lord yeah? & all His plans will come to fruition for my benefit!
Just hope I can stay in the Greatest JC in the World... SAJC!!!

Alright, so my airtime is almost up.
Just want to thank everyone for reading my blog & give a shout out to Joyce Koh (Yes, she is Jane's sister) and all the people in SAJC 06A2. YOU GUYS ROCK!

So look out for my next entry about the phrase "I am watching you"
& an interview with Carl.
TOODLES ALL!

Saintaldeia

2006-02-19T05:51:00.000-08:00

For today's show, I am going to feature a special presentation from a request of a good friend of mine, Mr. Sui Yi Siong, who apparently doesn't want to be part of our routine interview...
Before i post it, there's been another quest from a friend so... "HELLO JANE KOH FROM 06A02!!!"
& now for your own viewing pleasure here it is: Saintaldeia!

Saintaldeia
SAJC Orientation Camp 06

Author’s note:

Barring the revision of my first 2 essays, 2005 was a barren year for me. I could have written about the long, arduous road to SYF 05 of course, but frankly it wouldn’t have been as fun to work on and would eventually dissolve into nothing but a long, drawn out rant. Since us J1s still have relatively a lot of free time on our hands, I have decided to embark on this project to serve as a memoir of sorts for all who entered SAJC in the first 3 months. Specifically, OG 6’s. (Note: this introduction was typed a week after Orientation, so all I have to say is that I was so very, very wrong about the free time part)

On a more serious note, I know some of us might be going our separate ways. I know that as life goes on, it is very likely that the events of 3-6 Jan 2006 may become a distant memory at best. Therefore, I hope that this will help to preserve the memories of those early days and the very first friends we got to know and love/hate in JC. It would be a supreme pity indeed if the Orientation Camp was solely remembered as a vague period of fun and games, and its participants forgotten.

Disclaimer: if you know me even the least bit, you will know that I don’t participate actively in games, so my recollection of events will not completely mirror the accounts of other students. I ask for your forgiveness in advance for any discrepancies in my account, whether deliberate or not.

OG 6 (names in no specific order of importance)

Eugene Chong Ying Jia
Timothy Misso Jessica Aow
Leonard Chng Esther Toh
Ying Neng Eliane Chee
Keynes Chua Zhen Ling
Marco Un, Venetia Chan
Lavinia Cheng, Eileen Goh
Jolene Kang, Jamie Chia
Ming Ee Beverly Liew
Me Sylvia Tong
Smita & James, our dear OGLs Hilary Hor

I am supremely sorry to say that I only have a vague notion about what the rest of the girls were doing. Unless you were loud and outstanding, kicked me in the shin or loaned me money, I don’t really recall whatever it is that you did during the camp and so cannot extend full credit. Again, my apologies, as this comes of spending 10 years in a single sex school and being 6’2. And the only reason why certain people get mentioned more often is because of their outstanding behavior, not because I’m a stalker/fetishist/secret admirer.
Day 1

What can I say about the first day? How can I sum up all the anxiety, trepidation, excitement and annoyance running through my mind? I can’t. But what I can do is to sum up the various events that took place.

The first thing I noticed was that the Arts Faculty comprised barely 20% of the student population with 6 OGs compared to the whopping 26 of Science. The second thing I noticed was the boy: girl ratio in said Arts OGs, which happened to be 1:2.

Somehow, every guy aspires to be surrounded by girls all day, and yet when that dream comes true they turn coward (the usual exceptions apply. Ask about Yi Jie and Yi Xiang from any SAS student to find out).

Before we could get into our various OGs properly, we SAS students were rushed off to a combined assembly over across the river. All 3 schools, their principals and their chaplains were present, as was a news crew. They said it was a symbolic gesture that showed the spirit of SAV; I was more concerned with skipping the ice-beaker games.

Unfortunately, they were barely starting out when we returned. Worse still, I missed the introduction and so remained clueless about my OG mates’ identities until much later. Ice-breaker games rarely vary from place to place, so I don’t think I need to mention much, suffice to say that Ying Neng somehow always ended being the catcher or whacker or whoever generally needed to run around.

The subject talk is unlikely to be of much interest, so I’ll go on to the mass games. Apart from the mass dance, I don’t believe I have dreaded any single event so much. In my experience it involves running around doing inane actions and performing humiliating forfeits. My fears were not unfounded.

There were a certain number of coloured tapes pasted onto the ground, and you had to place a certain limb on a certain colour (announced gleefully by the camp councilors) to avoid being called up to do a forfeit. Because we had yet to bond together as a group, and I had yet to learn their names, OG6 fractured into different factions. I joined the large crowd of SAS guys at the back and tried to avoid mortal embarrassment by being single-mindedly ruthless.

The first task was relatively easy as I was almost on top of the tape, the second a bit of touch-and-go since I had to elbow my way through a crowd. While I was reflecting on my luck, a pair of Crescent Girls came up and requested us to “be gentlemen” and give up our spots.

I told them, “every man for himself”.

I got caught at the third one, but losing yourself in a crowd of 800-odd students milling about was easy. A few of my school mates weren’t as fortunate or ingenious and had to perform the Chicken Dance in front of a very relieved crowd.

We had a cheering session after that, with the camp councilors teaching us some of the common cheers of SAJC. Most of them seemed to have been brought over from the secondary school, or vice versa, so I didn’t see the need to waste my breath.

You can bet your life that I sang the College Song and Hymn though. 10 years of singing them every-week-every-month can make you burst out singing in reflex.

(Warning: Irrelevant Rant coming up ahead)

I have some minor quibbles with the rendition of the College Song though. I’m not trying to be insulting or imply that our College Choir is under par, it’s just that I resent any allegation that the College Song has a formal version. It is not a strict chorale; it is a rousing battle-hymn that fires up the blood. I mean, just listen to the chords! The piano score reads maestoso, which means “majestically”. So don’t jolly well drag out the last word of every stanza, and don’t, DON’T sing in a pseudo British accent.

The day ended on that note, which may have accounted for my extreme grumpiness.

Day 2

It is hard to believe that I actually woke up wishing desperately that the next few days would pass quickly. Apparently I didn’t know how good I had it. Anyway, nothing very remarkable happened in the first two hours, or at least not to me. I wish I could wax lyrical about Marco’s feat during the Tribal Council which earned him no small amount of fame, but alas, I was slogging away at the KI selection test.

That didn’t stop me from finding it out though.

After that was the main event of the day, the station games also known as CSI. Other colleges may have a theme, but we had a back story.

It goes: the island of Saintaldeia is the last undespoiled nature paradise, and a bunch of people were on their way there for sight-seeing/vacation/whatever. Unfortunately, the plane was sabotaged and crashed-landed on said island, though many survived. These survivors formed the tribes of Sequila, Aruba, Ivana, Nehoma and Teleria. A way to beam a SOS signal was discovered by a technician, but he died before he could do so. The possible suspects are a group of specialists, which includes a politician, an environmentalist, a businessman and the detective.

Thus, after that lengthy summary, the object of the CSI was to deduce the method, motive and identity of the murder through clues provided by winning the various games.

Possibly because of our obvious lack of enthusiasm, OG 6 was selected to put on a skit revealing the truth behind the murder. If my brief outline was confusing, imagine how hard it was for us to figure out the plot while running from station to station.

Anyway, we had to think of a few cheers before we could start the games proper, since the OGL at each station was liable to demand a cheer prior to playing. The simplest was “1, 2, 3, 3, 2, 1, OG 6 is number 1!” repeated ad nauseam. A more original and creative one, in my opinion, was thought up by Jolene, our resident figurehead. Her cheer went “Firecracker, firecracker boom, boom, boom! OG 6’s got the muscles, OG 6’s got the brains, OG 6’s got the sexy legs and we will win the game!”

Cue sniggers, especially for the last part. Personally, I thought it was ridiculous, but then again that’s my view of most cheers anyway. Nevertheless, this became our iconic cheer, so I guess there must be something in it that was appealing.

It is unlikely that anyone would want a full description of the station games we played, so I’ll just mention a few of the more prominent ones. One of them was “the Longest Line”, which is pretty self-explanatory. We had a minute to plan our “strategy”, and it was at this point that Ying Neng came up with the idea of using two netball posts. The rules specifically allowed us to us anything from our surroundings, after all. So delighted were we with our own cleverness that none of us realized that the other OG had removed all their shoelaces already, which as everyone knows, are actually quite long. Before we knew it, they were way ahead of us, and to add insult to injury (we were tied when everyone lay down), their last person grabbed hold of a soccer goalpost and won narrowly.

When we finally won one of the games (the 4th, if I’m not wrong), all of us were feeling slightly high on our first success. Lavinia came up with an impromptu cheer, yelling, “Who do you wanna be-a!”

The correct response would have been, “We wanna be an OG 6-er!” Instead, all she got was embarrassed silence. Looking back, it is somewhat surprising that we were somewhat of a silent and uncooperative lot (the majority of us, that is) considering the fact that these same people brazenly paraded in around in public not a few days later. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Next was the mass dance, and if you know me even vaguely, you can guess my reaction to the mass dance…

Imagine spending ten years in a single sex school. All your friends have been guys and the number of girls you actually know (let alone have spoken to) can be counted on one hand. Now, bearing this in mind, imagine you have to actually ask a girl to dance with you. Argh!

You could practically cut the air of apprehension with a knife when we reached the hall. Most of the guys looked nervous, compared to the girls who were positively sadistic in their cheerfulness. The camp councilors put on a spirited display of the Lindy Hop dance, SAJC’s trademark, and then proceeded to go around pairing people up. At this point in time I was backing away towards the exit, but before I could make a break for it, a councilor, with a determined look on her face, a girl already in tow, came towards me. I managed to fend her off by requesting a taller partner, inching my way to the door as she stalked off in a huff.

Then the music started. I lost my nerve completely and ran out.

I managed to rejoin them for Tribe Time. All of them seemed flushed with excitement and were chattering animatedly about the dance. Yeah, well maybe I shouldn’t have run like a coward. But at least I actually did what I said, not like certain other people.

In any case, we assembled at the track for Tribe Time, ostensibly to work out the plot of our skit. What we really did was to stare vacantly into space (to stone, in layman’s terms) while James painstakingly tried to get us to brainstorm a coherent storyline. It was here when Jolene came into her own. She was the only one able and willing to come up with a halfway decent plot, no matter how convoluted it actually sounded. It went something along the lines of, “What if Andy was having an affair with Caiyu, while Elsa secretly liked him, then when she found out she wanted to kill her with some poisoned water but Pei Yuan accidentally drank it and so he died, so Caiyu found out and then killed Elsa in revenge?”

I’m not kidding when I say that she did it all in one breath. Although you’ve got to admire someone with such an over-active imagination, you can see why she earned the title of “bimbo” from then on, whether undeserved or not.

Day 3

For once, I wasn’t really dreading the events of the day itself (no mass games=joy). It might seem strange, but I was actually looking forward to Saints Connection, probably because it was real, proper work and not some lame stuff. Oh yes, and calling it Saints Connection doesn’t change the fact that it is a CIP.

Another mark of OG 6’s unique nature was that we were sent off to some obscure corner of blocks whereas almost all the other OGs were paired off together. We were also led on a wild goose chase around Toa Payoh Lorong 8 by James, who is by now infamous for his sense of direction (at least in OG 6).

As a matter of fact, collecting the newspapers was a pretty fast process. Each guy went with 2 girls, and each group took a floor since we were doing a mansionette block. We managed to assemble a veritable mountain of papers by 10.30, leaving us with more than an hour to do as we saw fit.

We gathered at the void deck and spent some good, quality time together as an OG. Somehow the flow of conversation turned to birthdays, and unfortunately for me, I was and still am the youngest in my batch since OG 6 contained those born in the later half of the year. The second youngest was, surprise surprise, Jolene with 3 days seniority over me.

Bugger that.

Much of what was said was the shallow, mundane variety of polite small talk, otherwise I’m sure I would recall it. Then again, I was reading the papers, so I might not have been paying complete attention to what they were saying.

We ended up staying longer than expected, no thanks to the truck being late. So it was back to the café for a short lunch before we were hurried off to Jungle Warfare, or wet & wild station games to be more exact. Again, it was based on our back story of Saintaldeia, with the two murders sparking off a full scale tribal war. Instead of playing against other OGs, our objective was to clobber/smash/bash the rest of the tribes in any way possible.

Once more, I will mention the exceptional instances rather than describe the whole course of the station games to you. One of these was when students had to cross a line of chairs by bouncing from one to the other while undergoing a constant bombardment of water. Each chair also happened to be coated with nasty liquids like chili and ketchup.

As usual, the guys were bullied into going first, leading Leonard to complain bitterly that the guys have to do all the “shitty stuff”. Though I heartily agreed with him, I have found actions to be louder than words.

Ying Neng started off with the game, subsequently followed unwillingly by the rest of the guys. What about me, you ask? I grabbed a cup of water and tried to remain unobtrusively away from the action. Unfortunately, being a good head taller than the rest has its disadvantages and I got ratted out by Eileen. Mind you, it was a close thing, though being conspicuously dry might not have helped.

“Hey Yi Siong, you haven’t gone yet!” whined Jolene as Ming Ee gamely stepped in to replace me. I must say, I was profoundly grateful for her initiative since it meant that my potential turn was further delayed.

I looked around in apparent confusion and hoped that the game would quickly end. The other 6 guys had already gone, and Ming Ee was currently getting the water treatment, i.e. getting water thrown at her, by a bunch of gleeful guys from the opposing OG.

“Can you go now?” Jolene requested somewhat petulantly, probably because she was next in line.

“Can I say no?” I replied, glancing pointedly at the timekeeper. Come on, come on, I silently urged.

She pouted, and I suddenly realized that “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned,” but thankfully the game ended there and then.

Mass dance? What mass dance? Do you even have to ask that question? I ran out at the first opportunity, because I still hadn’t worked up the courage to find a partner, and also because they were doing some Indian dance unpretentiously titled “Chori Chori” (the opening words to the song). It is beyond me why the song became so popular, but then I’m not exactly normal, so…

As the day ended, I found myself in a positively cheerful mood since I didn’t have to endure another tortured rendition of the school song, so instead of rushing off I stayed back when Jolene requested we discuss the plot in further detail. Apart from a minor plot correction and bemoaning the girls’ perverse desire to have monkeys “narrate”, I did absolutely nothing while Jolene and the rest (i.e., the girls) hammered out a coherent story line.

Marco wandered around moaning quietly that he didn’t want to be Andy the businessman. I silently concurred in view of the fact that he was anything but an evil, cold, calculating and devious bastard who, in Jolene’s version, egged on Caiyu the politician to murder Elsa the environmentalist.

Putting two and two together, I realized that there was a very good chance that they might ask me to swap places with him since I am an evil, cold, calculating and devious bastard. That was why I quickly volunteered for the role of the detective, who actually had the potential to play a large role in the skit. Something totally out of character for me, you ask? Well, in Jolene’s plot the detective was a superfluous character with no lines or actions whatsoever, meaning that this part was perfectly suited to me. Also, I could then reasonably fend off any requests to act in the commercials without looking completely antisocial and uncooperative.

Once they had a rough version of the skit written out (rough may be an overstatement), we went for dinner for the first time as an OG. Not all of us, because it was around 7 when we finally wrapped up the discussion (our day ended at 5.30). Credit has to again go to Jolene for badgering a lot more people to go then those who were initially going.

It also served as a shopping trip to purchase a present for Smita and James. Initially, the girls wanted to buy them handphone pouches, but this was discarded in favour of gumball dispensers which would contain messages from all of us to them. This personal touch was no doubt all the poignant, not to mention being much cheaper as well.

Day 4

It pains me somewhat to say this, but by this point in time I was getting kind of fond of OG 6 and its denizens. It seems strange that just 4 days of the Orientation Camp managed to unite us, but it did. In fact, I was looking forward to school, which is something really unusual.

The first part of the day proved to be uninteresting because we were allocated 2 hours to hand up our report slips. I wasn’t able to find out the academic ability of my peers since I spent a frantic hour running up and down trying to get my forgotten report book sent to me. Suffice to say, I had one of the worse scores, but that’s what happens when you fail 2 of your 9 subjects.

Things started to get more entertaining when James brought up the concern that our skit wouldn’t last the full 10 minutes. He suggested we do some commercials in between scenes, and of course they had to be comically embarrassing. Think Zoe Tay’s baby milk commercial done by a guy, for example. Not that we actually did it, of course.

Of course, the girls insisted that the guys do it.

This provoked a somewhat indignant outburst from Leonard, who obviously wasn’t taking it lying down like some of us were (lying down to sleep, that is). I frankly couldn’t care whether the guys always got hen-pecked into doing things so long as I didn’t need to be part of them.

Things didn’t turn out that way of course, because the girls played a pretty large part in the end. There were two of them for one of us after all. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

We had to leave for the school hall for cheering; nothing of interest took place, so I’ll skip ahead to the next hilarious occurrence. After the cheering was tribe time, where we were led through a cheering practice by Yan Yi, possibly the most enthusiastic, rah-rah, and let’s-go-get-them girl I have ever seen. Loud and very self-assured, she was more than able to cow guys twice her size into submission.

Ying Neng was one of such people. Since guys only tend to be that petrified of their girlfriends, Jolene and Ming Ee started to tease him about it. Yan Yi complained that our OG was putting in the least effort to cheer, and asked Ying Neng to get us to practice them. Looking uneasy and nervous, he dragged us from our lunch break to do so. I believe he was pleading with us to work with him so that she would stop pestering him.

We managed to put on a decent show of working on the cheers, though as usual, it was the girls who injected them with life and vigor (and if I have to specify who, you haven’t been paying attention to this article). Ying Neng was clearly unsatisfied, but time was running short so he had to be content with what he had. On our way back to the lecture theatre we suddenly bumped into Yan Yi, prompting our tribal warrior to do a runner on us.

Needless to say, this only made the teasing worse.

We had one last round of cheering in the LT before we were dismissed for our 3 hour Finale Preparation. Yan Yi and her cronies were not very satisfied with the standard of our cheering, but then again, Sequila had always won the Best Cheer award, so they were under quite a bit of pressure to live up to that.

As too many cooks spoil the broth, so does too many people trying to lead cause confusion. It was slow going at first for the skit rehearsal since we’d only finalize the first scene and had to make the rest up on the fly. We also had to think up some good commercials fast, despite Eugene’s earlier sterling performance, because they were simply unacceptable to put on.

Eugene became the de facto director because the rest had either a major role to play (Marco, Esther, Jolene, Keynes, Timothy, Sylvia), were busy with the props (the rest of the girls), or couldn’t care less (me). He was a pretty competent one, I must add, because he was not only able to coordinate the scenes effectively, he was willing to listen to armchair pundits instead of getting irritated at them.

The commercials, while not as mortifying as those proposed by James, were still somewhat silly. The key to a successful skit is to get the audience to laugh with you, not at you, but alas this was not achieved.

For instance, Timothy was coerced into doing the chicken dance to the tune to Dragostea Din Tei at the beginning of our performance. The crowd loved it. Credit must go to him for his courage or fool hardiness in daring to go up and make a fool of himself. Ask me to do it, and I might just break the 100m Dash record.

The second and third commercials have to be seen to be appreciated properly. It would be hard to talk about the second commercial because it was in Chinese; suffice to say it proved entertaining. Especially since Leonard was surrounded by a posse of giggling girls. The third commercial was a re-enactment of the VISA Mastercard commercial that, of course, involved Indians. Everyone got a kick out of the contrived accents Ying Neng and Ming Ee put on, not to mention the gratuitous shaking of their heads.

Once we finished doing all we could, it was time to gather at the Cultural Centre to get it over and done with. Backstage, the members of OG 6 all seemed to have turned to jelly, a direct contrast to our “ever ready!” attitude while rehearsing. Not that I blamed them, particularly since I was feeling the willies myself in spite of my simple role.

The commercials ran somewhat smoothly, with the notable exception of the VISA one.

*cue “Chori Chori” music and Indian accents*

Ying Neng stepped up onto stage to a loud round of applause.

Instead of the expected music, the tune of “Chori, Chori” was blasted out from the speakers. He started doing the steps for the dance, although astute observers may have noticed a slight look of panic cross his face. He kept that up for a while, and it must have been a relief when the right music came on and Ming Ee stepped out.

“Birds bring good fortune,” he told the audience in general. “More birds, more luck.”

Ming Ee addressed him, “My brother is going on a journey *shakes head*. I wish to bring him good fortune.” *shakes head again*

She mimed the action of handing over some coins.

“5 birds please.” *shakes head vigorously*

“But this *shakes head* is only enough for 1 bird,” Ying Neng countered.

At this point in time, all the girls were supposed to fly out as birds, in the face of all logic since we didn’t have a Richard Gere to flash his credit card. However, while they were going through the motions, Eliane scooted out suddenly, flapping aimlessly around in the background as Ming Ee and Ying Neng continued their dialogue.

Ah, the ironies of life.

It may seem sad that hardly anyone got onto character. Marco was still delivering his lines with a placid smile, even when said line was “you have to kill her! Before she kills you”. Esther was slightly better, managing not to grin vacantly when she attempted to stab Jolene, like she did in our rehearsal. Tim was also good as the absent-minded pilot, Sylvia excelled at the “seen but not heard” role of airline stewardess, and Keynes injected the right amount of baffled astonishment and condescending superiority into the Technician.

However, the highlight of our skit wasn’t the sheer idiocy of our commercials or the convoluted plot. It was Jolene singularly putting to shame the rest of the female leads, portraying the part of her character with bimbotic audacity. All this while, I’d always thought “scarily realistic” was just a figure of speech; little did I expect to face the actual reality of that phrase. I mean, this has to be seen to be believed. If anyone in our OG had a defining moment, this was it for Ms Kang.

Initially, I thought that our skit was a pretty decent one, nothing fantastic but still good enough. Yeah, sure, the acting left a lot to be desired, but we figured that as long as the audience was kept laughing we stood a chance.

After watching the rest of the groups, I came to the uncomfortable conclusion that the rest all had much sounder plots than we had. Mercifully, we started first, since the standard kept on getting raised by each subsequent group.

Well, 5 tribes, 5 awards, so each tribe could only win one award. Otherwise, you can bet that Sequila would have won Best Tribe AND Best Cheer. Bah.

Anyway, once Mrs. Lim finished presenting all the awards, the teachers vacated the hall swiftly. Gleefully, the councilors announced, once they were out of earshot of course, “Now that the teachers have gone, it’s time for a REAL party!”

The lights went dim, the way was clear; I heard the Chicken Dance start up in my ear. There was nothing standing between me and freedom. I could run, like I had done on all previous occasions, or stay and experience a whole new world.

Ah, what the heck. You only live once. The lights were off; it was time to let your hair down and go wild.

We danced the night away, starting off with the dreaded Chicken Dance that I managed to get the hang of. When it got to the “ring around the rosy” part I was pleasantly surprised to find myself enjoying swinging around in a circle with my OG mates.

Dance, in actual fact, is not the correct word to use. It was more of the jump-up-and-down, wave-hands-around-for-no-reason, and scream-incoherently variety. Not a very hard thing to do even if you’re the most recalcitrant, introverted nerd (which I am most certainly not). That didn’t stop a dedicated few who were determinedly strutting their stuff.

Nevertheless, I was very, very relieved to find that they didn’t perform the Lindy Hop dance after all. I don’t know, maybe I could have worked up some Dutch courage to get a partner in that highly charged-up atmosphere. But tall girls are still a rare sight, let alone those near 6’.

The day was over, but the night was still young. All of us were pretty much starving because jumping up and down for one hour straight tends to do that to you. Not to mention that we’d been so occupied with our skit rehearsal that none of us had had lunch.

As usual, the girls spent a good half an hour deciding where to have dinner, during which most of the other OG s already left. There has to be a reason why girls seem to take forever to make up their minds, but no one seems keen on telling me.

At last, it was agreed that we would go to Food Republic at Wisma Atria. I had never heard of it before, but to prevent further delays I just went along. Surprisingly, or not so surprisingly, the trip there was not uneventful. Evidently still highly keyed up, Keynes and Ying Neng performed the Chori Chori on the train, regardless of the conspicuous camera positioned above them. They only let up when the train pulled into Little India, for obvious reasons.

Likewise, Jolene, Ming Ee and most of the girls did the Chicken Dance in front of the Control Centre at Dhoby Gaut station. Just plain hyper, I guess. Lucky for them, the MRT attendant was seemingly oblivious to their antics (who knows, he might have been secretly ogling them from the cameras).

Dinner, frankly, was crap. Not the company of course, oh no, it was the food. Bloody sweet and sour pork. For that matter, bloody Chinese food. Smita and James joined us shortly after we arrived, and I like to think that they were touched by our gift.

Dinner table conversation mainly had to do with subject combinations, and whose classes we’d end up in. Little did we know that the time table would single-handedly split our OG up, but that’s hindsight for you.

So ended our stay at Saintaldeia, Orientation Camp 2006. I had a good time, enjoyed myself and made some new friends, so maybe I’m not that hopeless after all. This may sound like a cliché, but it was a fun and memorable experience, and I trust that any J1s reading this will think so too.

But wait, don’t go yet. A new dawn is starting, and your own story in JC begins from here. I won’t have the time to chronicle everything, of course, but please let me know if there’s anyway major event I can cover. It’s been a great pleasure in bringing this to you, and I hope school life treats you just fine.

PS: watch this space. When Orientation 2 comes around, you can bet that you’ll hear it first from me.

Sui Yi Siong
O6A5

Special thanks go to Timothy Wong, Zuan Fa, Malcolm Sng, Yi Xiang, Jonathan Tan Wein Jian, Sabree, Vincent, Venetia Chah, and last but not least Jolene Kang, for taking the time to help me proof read this essay and point out any small but significant errors on my part. Although an author’s worse critic is himself, it would have been much tougher editing this piece of work without any help.
And of course, OG 6, without whom this work would have been impossible and meaningless.

Once A Saint, Always A Saint!

2006-02-08T04:26:00.000-08:00

Alright, so as I have been blabbing for the past few days, the O results are coming out on Friday & I am damn bloody scared...
I think I'll get over 20 points which means I can't go to a JC any more.
But I love SAJC! It's my new "home".
I really hope I can stay in it...

One of my friends said that Cambridge may take away our "Halos" as Saints.
Yeah it's true if our marks are so bad they kick us out of SAJC... But I tell you nobody ain't gonna take away the fact that WE ARE STILL SAINTS!
ONCE A SAINT, ALWAYS A SAINT!
OG2 & 06A2 ROCKS!!!

O' Level Results

2006-02-06T07:06:00.000-08:00

Ok so as everyone officially knows that the results are coming out on Firday, I suddenly thought of this quetions I HAD to post here:

How is it everyone is scared of a little pice of paper with numbers on it & not a 50 foot monster called Godzilla?

Design

2006-02-06T01:43:00.000-08:00

Ok, ok...
Yes, this IS my third entry & I have yet to change the layout of my blog.
I know my design is damn dull looking cause I got it straight from the template but I WILL change it soon enough. (as soon as I learn how to...)

Anyway, O level results supposedly coming out on friday making me feel bloody nervous. I think I'll surely get over 20 points (which isn't good for those of you who don't know, the lower the points the better). Probably won't be able to stay in SAJC any more... Damn sad man... Can't be in the school that I "love"...

Speaking of love, Vday is 8 days away & I'm starting to become desperate. I'm even asking Carl out (Carl is the German guy who lives in my hand & can't be heard by anyone except me) & I still get rejected.
OK JOKE! IT'S ONLY A JOOOOOOKEEE!
I should get this clear with all my "fans" first since I haven't....
EEEERRRREEEEMMMM *clears throat*
I AM NOT GAY! NO, NOT EVEN THE LEAST BIT! I'M NOT EVEN HAPPY/JUBILANT/OVERJOYED OR ANY OTHER ANAGARM FOR GAY!
I like my girls just fine thank you.
With that cleared up, yes I am desperate & alone now. Oh well guess I'll be spending it alone this time...

CNY Hangover/Disproof of Rock, Paper, Scissors

2006-02-01T23:36:00.000-08:00

Well yeah, as you can see from the title, I'm right now suffering from what is known as Chinese New Year "Hangover". Ok fine, so not everybody gets it after but I did. Being stuck at home ain't fun especially when you have a fever, flu & sore throat to keep you company. Sure there's the DOTA playing & the sleeping without waking up part but it still sucks cause you see cause unlike JC... THERE AIN'T NO FUCKING GIRLS!!! It's fricking boring here, wish I could go back to school (Wow can't belive I just said that...). Anyway good thing i collected a shit load of moolah over the pass few days :D. But Vday is still 12 days away & got no one to spend it with, on top of that O'level results coming out next week...

So... to destress myself a bit here I am with my theories to why Rock, Paer, Scissors should be non-existant (Yes, I have weird ways of passing time).

Firstly, how does a rock which is most likely lower in density than the metal used to make a pair of scissors able to break it?
Sure you may say, rock WILL bend a pair of scissors if it is hit hard enough. But look at it this way, if u hit the scissors at its tip or its thinner edge, the rock will probably break first. Only if you hit the scissors on its wide edge will then the possibility of bending it be present. So scissors thusly wins 2 out of 3 times, making it the winner of the majority of the "battles".

How does wrapping a rock in paper do anything to it?
There is no reason to wrap a rock in paper other than the fact that you might be Santa Claus sending coal to children, (& come on aren't we too old to believe in things like Santa, the Boogeyman or Micheal Jackson? I mean they're just stories to scare children.) or you're giving a present to someone with a fetish for rocks. Sure the paper may "suffocate" the rock but remember that paper is porous, the rock can still breathe. The paper may "blind" the rock also. You forget that most rocks can see in the dark, most of them are found in dark caves or underground where there is no light at all!

Scissors cannot possibly "win" paper by "dismembering" it. See, lets say you take a pair of scissors & cut a piece of paper to the smallest forms possible, atoms. Won't the scissors be overwhelmed by the shear masses of paper atoms? It's like 1 against a million billion trillion atoms of paper! How can one pair of scissors stand up to that pressure?

So yeah, don't ever play rock, paper, scissors again simply because it makes no sense what so ever. However, if you DO want to play a similar game you can play the oNHz certified version of it called:
Scissors, Paper, Spock, Lizard, Pen Missile, Tiger Hand, Portal, Gandalf, Balrog, Mousetrap, Airhorn, Magikarp, Lift, Rattlesnake, Stone...

The oNHz Show

2006-01-31T07:59:00.000-08:00

The oNHz Show has officially transferred successfully to a NEW, IMPROVED broadcasting network known as BLOGSPOT! This is mainly because of the old network *cough*modblog*cough* is fucking screwed. Viewer discretion should have BEEN advised as vulgarities & materials that may offend some (well actually, most...) will be depicted in many forms on this blog. So stay tuned for more right here on http://phantasmagoricreality.blogspot.com/! (Haha, cliche ain't it? some complicated name for a blog. Haha)

Being serious now; Yes, I know I AM slow & mentally challenged in some ways for not realising that Blogspot, although not perfect, is so much better than modblog which is run by a fucking retard (that being an understatement), earlier. I know I am also contradicting my former self for using a blogspot blog but who gives a shit, I know I don't.
Anyway, the reason I came here was because my old blog is screwed in design & it not being updated frequently & that the server was always downloading some form of animal porn, hence the constant being "downed".

It was 1 of my resolutions this year to get a new blog & so I did (I know it's late but better late than never yeah?). Also ironic how I started writing this entry at the 1st minute of 1st February 2006 (00.00! No shit...).

& to fill you all who were not visiting my earlier blog, I am currently in a JC here in Singapore & lovng it. Freshman this year & loved the orientation (OG2, YOU GUYS ROCK!)!

Lastly, this Chinese New Year was great! So much money so little time... (Yes, it is Chinese New Year. See why I AM slow?) & for those non-Chinese people out there, well... HAPPY NEW MONTH! (I guess...)

13 day count down & I'm still alone...